So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
