he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
