i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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