Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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