thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
