Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My pussy is not your playground.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
