I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
