Me too!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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