my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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