the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
