its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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