Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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