There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
