The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
