I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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