I think my fart just growled at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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