Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
