i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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