the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
