Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
