I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
