something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
