I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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