i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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