do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
