The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
