Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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