I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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