Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
