i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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