It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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