well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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