it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
home. puking in laundry basket.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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