They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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