so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
