i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
