Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My pussy is not your playground.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
