I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
