I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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