I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
