Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
