and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
