just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
