That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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