I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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