hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
