I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
