you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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