Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
