I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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