Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
