She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
