dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Randomize
