What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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