too bad you live with your parents still
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
