I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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