Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
